Lessons in maturity
Continuing in some sense to share some of the lessons that I learned while I was away in the last two years, I am sharing today about lessons in maturity.
This idea, of lessons that comes only in maturity, stood at the core of a lot my experiences in the past one year. Those that follow me Twitter would have seen me repeat the message again, and again, and again… I don’t think I can share enough of it.
Let’s start by stating as clearly as possible that what we learn in maturity isn’t simply about acquiring information or skills. They are much more than that, and the beauty of it is that they only come with maturity. So if you find yourself not being able to relate to some of what is shared below, give it time.
1: Toxic drugs to avoid
“You learn not to engage in self-destructive behaviour. You learn not to burn up energy in anxiety. You discover how to manage your tensions. You learn that self-pity and resentment are among the most toxic of drugs.” John Gardner
2: True human nature
“You find that the world loves talent but pays off on character. And you learn that no matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you, a lesson that is at first troubling and then really quite relaxing.” John Gardner
3: Getting what you want
“To get what you want, you have to deserve what you want. The world is not yet a crazy enough place to reward a whole bunch of undeserving people.” Charlie Munger
And then you pair that lesson with the words of the legendary Pat Riley: “Hard work guarantees you nothing, but without it you don't stand a chance.”
4: Humility is the offspring of failure
Most life starts with arrogance. If you live long enough, humility is either forced on you or pride eventually leads you to your downfall. Humility is easy if you have had to go through the trials of life yourself to arrive at where you are. Arrogance is the fruit of not-enough-failures (yet). Moses, the valiant son of Pharaoh, who could end a l*fe with his hands would soon consider himself not even able to speak let alone lead.
5: Wanting less to not wanting
Learning to want less and less things and be genuinely satisfied in what you have is a good one to add to the lessons in maturity.
You may read Psalm 23:1 and think it “you shall not want” is because all your wants are provided. In maturity this is how you read it:
KJV used “I shall not want.” Other versions used “I want nothing.” Other versions assumed the absence of something to want. KJV infers there might be something to want but I won’t want it. That is “not wanting.” As the latter part of Psalm 23 shows, I might be in the valley of the shadow of death, but I won’t fear evil, since you are with me, I don’t even want out of that. You are have satisfaction all around.
6: You aren’t special, sorry.
The next lesson comes when life has shown you more of itself enough for you to rid yourself of the idea that you might be special in some way and shielded (immune) from the bad things that happens to all and sundry. Life soon gets at you and you give up the notion of perfection and having it all figured out. Then you embrace the imperfection, the mystery, the cloud of smoke that hangs on our heads… You grow in maturity.
7: Identify the constraints
Personal circumstances would often impose rigid constraints in your life. These constraints are rigid because you can't change them or improve them. A classic example is being bound to a specific location that you can’t remove yourself from (in a bound of time). Maturity demands that we identify these constraints and use them to narrow down our real options. Not all options are viable when you take the constraints into account.
8: Focus
We go through a cycle when it comes to appreciating the value of focus. As a child, it is a natural inclination. Without it, we wouldn’t learn to talk, walk, and interact with our environment. We are single-minded in our pursuit and entertain no distractions.
Then we grow up and see many options, all often alluring and then we lose sight of focus. We often remain in this state until we realise that we’ve remained in a loop for the longest, making mostly marginal progression in the sphere of normal.
A lesson in maturity comes when we realise we need to pick up our childlike focus again. Until then, we are forever distracted and this distraction has to age limit, for all we care, it can last a lifetime.
If you’ve found this valuable, I’d like to let you know that is not all the lessons that I’ve curated or more importantly that I’m maintaining an active thread on Twitter here where I am adding continuously to the list.